The 45th President of the United States of America

January 20, 2017, the second inauguration of the 45^th president of the United States. Because of the smog that now covers much of the eastern seaboard the inauguration was moved indoors for the first time in U.S. history. “Pay it no mind”, said the President, “smog is a sign of prosperity, also”. A conspicuous absentee was the First Dude. Todd Palin, Secretary of the Environment was called back to Alaska on a matter of some urgency. The last remaining polar bear still living in the wild was spotted on an ice floe off the north slope of Alaska. The bear looked weak & emaciated which was why Todd only needed ten bullets from his trusty AK-47 to bring him down. “Thank God we got to it before those Russkies”, he said. “We’d never live it down.”

President Sarah Palin’s inauguration speech highlighted her remarkable achievements over the past four years. The impeachment of President Barack Hussein Obama in 2011 opened the floodgates for Republicans. All the levers of power, including the Supreme Court, were now in the hands of conservatives. There were a few bleeding-heart liberals who disputed the charge that Obama was secretly a Muslim, but it was left to Chief Justice Clarence Thomas to have the last word. “This man is obviously guilty. Would a true Patriot & Christian have ‘Hussein’ as a middle name? Hello!”

After her landslide victory in 2012, President Palin used Obama’s impeachment as reason enough to rewrite the 1^st Amendment to the Constitution to make Christianity the official national religion. It is now illegal for non-Christians, heretofore known as “nonfidels” to hold elected office or get married.

Although unemployment is close to 20%, most of the unemployed are disgruntled unionists who refuse to accept new laws outlawing unions and eliminating the minimum wage. That landmark legislation brought about huge increases in productivity. Workers are happily putting in 60-80 hour weeks and corporate profits are at all-time highs.

The war with Iran, now entering its fourth year is going extremely well according to Donald Rumsfield. Rummy, as he is affectionately known, was brought back as Secretary of Defence because of his masterful execution of the Iraq war during the Bush Administration. President Palin regretted having to use nuclear weapons against the Iranians, but there was really no choice. Now, because of high levels of radiation, the State Dept. has issued a travel advisory to the Middle East, including Israel which, unfortunately, has been reduced to rubble. But as Rummy likes to say “stuff happens!”

President Palin was very upbeat about the future. “Are we heading in the right direction, you betcha”, she said with a wink before heading to Alaska to celebrate Todd’s hunting prowess. A white bearskin rug will be just perfect for the oval office.